How To Deal With Being Present As An Over-Thinker

A small detail about me is that I have terrible death anxiety (fun!). Not for myself, but for the people that I love. I say this as an important piece of foundation to explain where a lot of my old connection to presence was tied to. When I was doing something with the people I love or doing something that I particularly love, I used to get really anxious and begin to force my enjoyment in the fear that I would lose the person or it would change abruptly. 

What I tried to force as the act of presence, was actually just being overly aware of the fear and anxiety of losing the thing I was doing something that mattered to me. And I feel like this is probably something a lot of people do experience. Telling yourself you’re okay and doing good, but it’s actually just okay on the surface and deep down is a lot of things you haven’t uncovered yet or dealt with involving those weird, anxious feelings about truly being in the present moment.

What Old Beliefs Did I Live By About Being Present? 

I was confused with my beliefs about being present because at the time, to me, presence meant to experience a moment without interruptions. So I was in a state of coming in and out of a reminder to experience what’s in front of me and getting swept up in my thoughts of losing what was in front of me. It was very much a state of being interrupted.

This mindset robbed me of a lot of genuine experiences to enjoy myself. And the constant reminder to be present vs actually trying to be present was anxiety inducing. The idea of being fully present in a moment almost felt like the first step to getting it all taken away, so I was always nervous. It was happening so often and I was so overly aware of it that I was really looking for a way to fix the way I was thinking. 

How Did I Choose To Start Reframing This? 

I saw something once, I can’t remember where or who said it (very helpful, I know) but it helped reframe my way of thinking about being able to get myself to a place where I could live in a moment instead of worrying so much. They said when you fall into the feeling of fear about losing a moment and you feel yourself starting to spiral about it, use that as an opportunity to be grateful for the moment. It’s a simple reframe and most mindset or behavior mindsets are, but to take that feeling of fear and change that que to remind yourself this is a moment to be thankful instead of fearful works. 

Like any change, it’s a practice and it’s not perfect. But overtime, I may not catch myself doing the fear thing right away but I do start to feel the anxiety of it and once I do I let myself go a different direction of gratitude that really does let me exist in the moment and appreciate it. It lessens the anxiety, and gives me the clarity that the fear is made up.

What Shifted When I Started Thinking Differently About This? 

I think a lot of where we go wrong with change, is that a lot of the time we try to fix the outer environment first instead of the inner environment. We try to change our routines, our friends, our interests, or anything that we think will make us feel better on the inside. With trying to force being more present I was getting off social media, making more plans, taking more pictures, and really trying to engage in conversation more-which is great, but no surprise that it didn’t fix my thoughts. 

I think being present is ironically less about the moment in front of you and more about creating so much peace and steadiness in your body that your mind can be still enough to enjoy what’s in front of you. Instead of doing things outside your body, you change the inside first. That’s where the idea of recognizing the anxiety that I get a chance to change comes into play, it’s re-grounding and recognizing my fears are only fears because that’s how I’ve labeled them and I can choose to let them go, and it’s letting the reframe of the gratitude over fear be a practice not an expectation of an immediate fix, and it’s allowing myself to feel okay-my baseline doesn’t have to be fear.

What Is My Takeaway From What I Learned? 

I think my experience with presence was being overly aware. Overly aware of possible scenarios, overly aware of myself and how I was supposed to feel,, and overly aware of my grip on trying to control so much of my outside world that I was neglecting to focus on what I could control. 

I was so obsessed with being so aware that I think I mistook that for presence. Awareness and presence are two completely different things, and too much self awareness defeats the purpose of being aware at all. I was so focused with taking in a moment I was afraid to lose to, noticing all my surroundings, and focusing on what if’s and all the bad that could happen, that I forgot to fully experience myself collectively. 

I neglected to understand that there’s a fine line in awareness being harmful and it being helpful. Being obsessed and all you think about is not being aware, that’s just anxiety. Awareness is letting moments come and go and noticing them for what they are. And being presence pairs well with that because it’s the act of letting yourself experience the moment that you’re aware of.

How Do I Carry Out Being Present Now?? 

Now that I understand all of this, I practice my reframing on presence. I see a lot of my anxieties that come up as an opportunity to grateful for whatever is in front of me. I let go of thoughts, I choose to notice when my self awareness is becoming unhelpful, and I let myself get to a state of feeling good so I can actually practice what presence is. 

Now, I see presence as an opportunity to fully experience what’s in front of me while letting whatever comes up inside come and go. It’s a loosening of control, focusing on where you are, relaxing into your body, a mindset reframe, and is truly a gift to experience the life in front of me.

It’s creating a home inside yourself that’s not perfect, but is truthful so you have the opportunity to reframe to feel good. Presence is so much more than what is on the outside, it’s truly knowing what’s on the inside to work with what you have to then enjoy the world around you. Fixing the foundation first and building a life that feels good directly on that good foundation.