How To Deal With Trying Something New As An Over Thinker

What story was I telling myself about trying something new? 

When I think about how I historically thought about trying something new, I feel like it was something that I genuinely just thought about more than I did. Which isn’t unusual for me as somebody who just thinks a lot. I think a lot of the reason I failed to attempt trying anything new, was a deeper attachment to the end result than the process itself. 

I think I never wanted to be seen trying, a lot of pieces of perfectionism thrown in there, and I wanted to be the person at the end of the process more than the person at the very beginning or even the middle. I would think about trying new things- I would think about places I wanted to go, people I actually wanted to talk to, or picking up something I’d been thinking about, but a lot of those things just ended as a thought. 

What old beliefs did I have about trying something new? 

A lot of my old beliefs that weren’t really doing anything for me came from too much thinking and internal living, and not enough starting, trying, seeing how things played out, or a desire to be anything less than perfect. I was too tense about trying anything, that I just didn’t. And I think a lot of that was just a control issue around being seen as anything but put together or perfect. I wanted almost a to do list to follow to try the thing I was thinking about so that I wouldn’t make any mistakes, which is really just not how anything works if it’s genuine. 

I think a big part of me also really likes structure, routine, and familiarity and trying something new really takes a lot of that comfort that I do like away. So in a way I think I was following my natural way of living in structure mixed with not wanting to take on the process of becoming or trying. But this way of thinking is really tense and it’s really rigid, and it’s not sustainable if you want to like laugh ever or enjoy life or actually pick up on anything. I also found this way of thinking just bleeding into a how I thought about a lot of things in my life, just being afraid to do anything, say anything in fear of being incorrectly perceived, in my own eyes. 

How did I choose to start reframing this??

I think the only way I could reframe this whole way of thinking about trying something new was to take action, do something towards trying something completely new. And I’m a firm believer that what you’re thinking about will present itself in the most perfect timing if you let it. 

I was in Colorado one weekend on a trip by myself, when a Tik Tok video for a retreat popped up. Usually I scroll past those, but the wording was kind of exactly what I didn’t know I was looking for.  It was a weekend unplug retreat for high achievers, for queer women, and it was going to involve hiking, some therapy led sessions, and just relaxation. I was immediately really intrigued because it sounded like something I would really like to do, and messaged the host on the spot. (Hi Christina :) ). After talking with her, it was a mutual decision I’d be a good fit for the trip, and I decided to go. Like actually made a move to try something new, wow.

Throughout the weekend it was just the perfect reset. To start, the group of women that were there could not have been more cohesive, engaging, and down to earth. The hikes were incredible. One was a fall foliage hike through the aspens and the other one we got to hike through the snow which was magical. The down time to read, rest and relax was perfect-the best time to be intentionally off my phone and just really focused on rest. The therapy sessions were not too deep, but deep enough for me to leave with some new revelations about myself which I still cherish and use in my daily life. You could really just feel all the time and effort that was put into creating this weekend, and it showed with all that everyone got out of it in such a short period of time. It was truly amazing and a weekend I never would have experienced had I not made the jump to go. If I had simply thought about going, I would never have the experiences that mean a lot to me now. One of my favorite weekends that I took myself on. :)

What shifted when I started thinking differently?? 

I think the biggest thing that shifted for me was how naturally a lot of things play out when we just make the decision to do something or start something. For example, my retreat-the hardest part was deciding to go and actually showing up. The rest was just a pleasant experience and learning more about myself and what I’m capable of. The whole weekend unfolded really seamlessly, and so did my discomfort with being in a totally new environment with completely new people. But the newness of everything always eventually clears, and what was once a new experience turns into simply an experience to enjoy. 

I read something that said everything you do is a win when your goal is to experience. And from that perspective that changes the whole scenario when it comes to trying something new, if you experience something you’ve won and I find that really wonderful. It’s the reframe of something that was once uncomfortable, to shift that way of thinking and use it to make it more inviting to try. With an experience, especially a new one I don’t think you can lose because you’ll always learn something about yourself, the world, or other people. 

What does my new practice with trying something new look like? 

At the beginning of all of this I talked about how I focused more on the end goal of trying something new, rather than the process. This whole experience of going on the retreat was an entire process, and while it was only one weekend I do feel like there was so much development that happened for me over the course of the time I was there. 

I think that’s a misconception in itself, is that a process to trying something new has to be really long-it doesn’t. The person you are at the beginning, during, and after any decision to do something new will have some level of elevation throughout each step. And thinking about that, I may have gotten something wrong about myself. Maybe it was never about being nervous to actually try something new, but to take the first step or make the decision to actually do it. Trying something new only reveals new parts of life that you would’ve never known were there, taking the starting point of anything new and having a free fall effect were you don’t think but just do and see what happens is really where you bridge the gaps between who you are now and ways you can grow.

How do I carry out this new mindset? 

Choices are really just experiments. The choice to start is the gateway into the process. The process in trying something new is where the magic happens. It’s where i saw the aspens in full bloom and watched the golden leaves look like glitter, it’s where I hiked through the snow for the first time and felt a stillness I didn’t know existed, it’s where I sat around the fire that made a weird gurgle sound and laughed with new friends, it’s where I looked at the stars and tried to decide if UFO’s were real, it’s where I learned truths about myself through new questions, it’s where I learned about the people’s lives I was with and that there are so many similarities with others if you just talk long enough, it’s where I had warm pizza after a freezing hike, it’s where I napped and rested, it’s where I watched the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen, and it’s all because I made a decision.

All the memories were in the process, not the end result and not even in the initial decision to go. The end result is what I choose to do with all I gathered from the process. And the takeaway from getting to try something new was so much gratitude for the moments in front of me, and the experiences that I really had the privilege of having. The end result is not the goal for me anymore, the process is where the moments are.