How To Deal With Boundaries As An Over-Thinker
Relatability
How It Feels To Overthink About Boundaries
There are a lot of therapy trigger words that float around on the internet. To some degree it bugs me, it makes it feel like therapy is a trend and that every word loses its meaning and is generalized to cover ground that maybe it’s not meant for. On the other hand, I think it’s helpful to be exposed to words and ideas that may help someone who has never heard these words before.
Boundaries is one of those words for me. When I think about boundaries, it naturally causes me to overthink. I have trouble getting a good grip on the definition that makes sense to me, and creating action in my life that follows that definition.
What Is Overthinking About Boundaries Doing To My Life
To cut to the chase, overthinking about boundaries prevents me from actually taking action on boundaries. To be fair, one of the biggest problems I’ve come across is thinking so much that I neglect to do the things I’m thinking about. Living in my head and thinking about vocalizing something bothers me, that I need certain time by myself, or that you can’t talk to me like that means nothing if it lives in my head and not in my life.
Reflection
What Made Me Want To Change My View On Boundaries
One thing I’ve learned recently in therapy, is that a lot of the time I say I don’t know what my needs or boundaries are. I have struggled with this in therapy for some time, and I discovered I use this as a way to avoid even knowing what my needs and boundaries are. Because I say I don’t know what they are, how can I expect someone to uphold them if I avoid coming up with things I know I need to instill for myself.
This idea made me want to change how I not only viewed boundaries, but implemented them too. Avoiding what you need gets you nowhere. The only place that gets you is other people telling you what’s okay for you, what you need, and what’s best for you if you don’t have those things figured out for yourself. A big part of me was afraid to even discover what was best for me, because for a long time I believed that I didn’t deserve the best.
This was a big problem, and one that put me in some compromised positions. I think deep down everyone knows what they need, but sometimes it is easier to just ignore your needs and keep things as the way that they are because it’s comfortable. But to move through the avoidance of knowing and upholding what is right for you will always win, and it will keep you safe and in touch with yourself.
What I Thought About To Make Changes In My Boundaries
To be honest with you, this is still a work in progress for me. I just know that when I am dealing with something confusing, new, or challenging it helps to know that other people do too. In making changes in my relationship with boundaries, I have really worked hard on a foundation of positive self concept. To me, this means believing what I have to say is important, not feeling fearful to say what is important to me, knowing what I like and don’t, knowing what I’m comfortable with and what I’m not, and trusting myself enough to believe the answers to all of these questions.
With a firmer self concept in place, it does help to create the boundaries around the new, sweeter mindset you’ve created. When you work on your mind, you want to protect it and boundaries help you do that, protect what you’ve created in your mind and soul.
Reinvention
What I Chose To Do With What I Learned About Boundaries
Boundaries are a practice. I don’t think they’re meant to be perfected, but to be fair I don’t think anything is really meant to be perfect. Perfectionism is rooted in shame, and I think not upholding safety for yourself is rooted in shame as well.
It takes time and practice to not only understand what it is that you need to feel comfortable, respected, and okay, then adding a layer of expressing that, and then the kicker is upholding the boundary. That is a tough one too, that I’m still learning about.
I think taking on the understanding that boundaries are really about protecting and loving yourself, instead of being harsh and mean is a helpful shift too. Anything that has to do with protecting who you are, is not mean.
How I Carried Out What I Learned About Boundaries
I’m making a committed effort to learn more and get more comfortable with using my voice to say what I need and it is really that simple. Over complicating and over thinking myself into a paralyzed mental state of doing anything, has made my relationship with boundaries confusing.
Boundaries are really in place as a way to make you feel safe and healthy, it is not about anyone else but you and I think that idea alone is what makes me feel weird about it. I’m used to becoming and doing whatever people around me wanted me to be and do, and to have something that I’ve thought about to make only myself feel better (in a healthy way) is a work in progress.
